Jimmy Carr is a comedian known for being able to play with hecklers, much the same way a cat might toy with a bird before killing it. Throughout all of his career, he has seemed to take particular delight in destroying hecklers with ease.
1. On being called a “faggy twat”
Jimmy Carr: You’re remarkably confident for a man in some sort of hooded top. What do you do for a living if you don’t mind me asking?
Heckler: I’m a student.
Jimmy Carr: and what are you studying?
Heckler: I’m still in secondary school in Ireland
Jimmy Carr: And what do you want to be when you grow up?
2. On being told his jokes aren’t funny
I don’t come to your work and knock the sailors cocks out of your mouth, do I?
3. On being interrupted while doing a bit about a “heartbreaking story in The Mirror”
Are you showing off to the other children? Are you pretending you can read? By heartbreaking story, do you mean the tits on page 3?
4. On being told he hadn’t made much of an effort with his show.
Well, there’s some cameras and some fucking lights, I don’t know what you had in mind. It seems like a very weird thing for quite a tough looking man from Glasgow to say. It’s a little bit prison rape coming from you, sir.
5. On being told the heckler was only at the show because Peter Kay was sold out
Unlucky. I bet he wouldn’t have called you a cunt. Unfortunately, I’m not Peter Kay. Cunt.
6. On being asked, “when’s the comedy on”, halfway through his show.
If you want my comeback, you’ll have to scrape if off your mother’s teeth.