1. Rocky III
Once you’ve seen steroid-induced hobbit Sylvester Stallone punch a few people and run up and down some stairs in between punches, you’ve seen it a million times. One can only assume that the director, Mr. Stallone himself, just wanted a third opportunity to be able to take his shirt off in public, because there was no justification whatsoever for this film being made. None.
2. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Potentially quite poignant, given the economic circumstances at the time, the sequel to the original really missed a trick. Starring Shia LeBeouf as a stockbroker (yes, seriously) working in tandem with his future father-in-law, disgraced former trader Gordon Gekko (played by Michael Douglas), the movie shied away from confronting the realities about what triggered the financial crash and let a great opportunity go begging. Shameful.
3. The Godfather III
So bad it nearly makes you forget how incredible the first two films are and that’s really saying something. Shame on you, Pacino.
4. Robocop III
A terrible exploitation of the Robocop brand. Going from solid, sci-fi come action movies to a sort of wet, wimpy PG 13 kid’s film with a cast stuffed full of comedians? No thanks.
5. Ocean’s Twelve
If Ocean’s Eleven was confusing, irritating, pretentious and shallow, Ocean’s Twelve takes the biscuit. Twelve biscuits. Take all the big names from the first film, stick in a few more celebrities in sharp suits and there’s your sequel. At one point a movie nearly breaks out, but then your hopes are dashed. Smarmy, vacuous and tries to appear far cleverer than it really is.
6. Basic Instinct Two
People only watched the first one because Sharon Stone did something with her legs. That didn’t happen in Basic Instinct Two, so there was pretty much no point watching it.
7. Jurassic Park III
If there is one thing that everyone in the world loves unconditionally, its dinosaurs. Or at least they used to, before the release of Jurassic Park III. The best thing about it is a gag involving a mobile phone. Says it all.
8. The Mummy – Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
The first instalment of The Mummy was, to give it its dues, fairly entertaining, even if most people spent the entire film wanting to punch Brendan Fraser in his big stupid round face. But it did have the key element of being set in Egypt. The Mummy – Tomb of the Dragon Emperor featured ninjas and yetis in an incredibly clichéd Chinese setting. Awful.
9. Hostel Part II
In fairness, it should be pointed out that the original Hostel film was pretty damn terrible. But hats off, the sequel topped the first film for sheer awfulness. Very impressive.
10. Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles
We had to wait 13 years for the third Crocodile Dundee film, and boy was it not worth the wait. God knows how the director spent those 13 years, but we can only assume it was coming up with an evil scheme to make one of the worst sequels of all time. Uprooting amiable Mr. Dundee from his outback home and sticking him in the middle of Los Angeles works about as well as mud on toast. Appalling. Mate.